And it just keeps on coming. Constant verbal mistakes. Things i say that i shouldn't indulge upon. The cake that you shouldn't taste and share with your friends, but you offer it around like an unwanted animal at a grimey house party. Have your cake, eat it and choke upon it.
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Monday, 15 July 2013
Now i think about it i never really did get a chance to desperately tell you how much you ment to me. I made the sincere mistake of never letting you know what loosing you would actually do to me.
You were beautiful, with the kind of eyes that could warm me from the inside like a sweet milky cup of tea on a bitter December morning, (If you remember rightly we met in December). You WERE my milky cup of tea, and when my lips touched you and i inhaled your painfully addictive warmth everything and almost anything seemed better. You were good for me, in fact you were even better. And not the 'You're perfect' kind of good, the kind of good which lights up your soul and grows and continuously gets brighter and illuminates any dark cobwebbed corner that could have potentially been dead and untouched for years. You made me feel alive after feeling nothing but dull bitterness for so long.
I tickled you almost everytime i saw you, not to aggravate you like you first thought, but just to simply see you smile, because to me, that smile was like ecstasy. It cradled my tummy and forced my head to cloud with dizziness. Its one of the many things about you which no matter how desperately hard i try, it will never leave me. So many things remind me of our time we spent together, they make your name resound in my head like and annoying clang or a consistent buzz of tinitus that could keep me awake at night.
I just wanted to tell you that you still keep me up late at night. You're my insomnia and I'm sorry i lost you but thank you for the plethora of emotions you made me discover.
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Your presence approached me as i looked out over the garden and admired the young free spirits embracing their freedom by the lake. I turned and looked at you as you rested one elbow on my tiny shoulder. My eyes frosted over with tears and my chest tightened as you turned and smiled at me. I was angry that after everything, after that completely horrible situation, that you could just expect me to feel okay with letting you back into my life again.
Your perfect wide smile made my heart hurt with every single beat. And it played on the back of my ribcage like a hollow drum. I always told you my favourite thing about you was your smile. I remember how i used to tickle you, just to see you smile. Oh god, you're beautiful! And looking at you reminded me of all those wonderful times we layed in bed and i just clung onto your chest, listening to your heartbeat so perfectly as you sung sweet symphonys to me. And it reminded me how much it hurt me when you carelessly left my dreams and walked into hers, nonchalantly.
I asked you where she was and why you had appeared on this balcony with me. "I made a mistake babeh, i miss you." Just to hear you call me baby again, filled my abdomen with 5 million feather butterflies. A golden warmth flooded from my heart and hit every corner of my body. You made me shine, like the brightest of starts. The kind of stars you wish upon.
You wrapped your familiar arms around me in an embrace which seemed to last forever, an embrace which i willed to last longer than forever. Your smell so comforting, your voice so deep it sends shivers down my spine and your eyes so bright they could lend light to any desperate room. You pulled me closer to your face and smiled. The smile forced me to become so weak at the knees i almost fell at your feet. Then the kiss, so magnetic, so magnificent, so soft and passionate that i swear, just for a moment, time stopped and nothing else mattered. I could feel your hands caressing the back of my head, pulling me desperately close, making all my tiny hairs stand up on end. The happiness inside myself was overwhelming.
Then i woke up. I looked to the side of me and you weren't there. Nobody was. I could still feel your hands on the back of my head. And the warm feeling faded. The happiness faded. Dreams can feel so real.
And the flame ignited so fast that neither him, her nor their friends could comprehend how magnificent in size the flames would become. It was bountiful and bright and visually magnetic. But something that burns so brightly is bound to be extinguished just as fast.
Please don't burn anybody.