Monday, 4 January 2010

Hello 2010

So its a new year which automatically means new start, new out look, new fitness regieme.... blah blah blah.
To be completely honest with you im just happy to see the total arse end of 2009. That year was filled with drama, tears and i felt like i was waging a constant war with myself deep down in the depths of my own heart. So this year im going to do everything i possibly can to put a stop to that.

My last mistake of 2009 was confessing to him how i really felt inside, even though i wouldnt even be safe to say we were on talking terms right now. I sent him a sweet little sickly video of "You could be happy" by Snow Patrol. I felt it was a subtle way of telling him, unfortunately i still have feelings for you but i know theres nothing i can do to stop you fucking an abundance of my mates along with half of the women in this god forsaken city. With a clean slate and unblocked airways i found it easier to welcome in 2010 with open arms and light shoulders. It aint heavy...its a new start.

2009 has presented me with some of the best people i have ever met though. As they say every grey cloud has a shiny silver lining and the people i met this year are definately worth their weight in such said precious metals. Through my own mysery i seem to find such wonderful life savers. And when i say life savers im not even over exaggerating... my head has been in a very dark place this 365 days and who knows where i would have ended up if it wasnt for these beautiful distractions.
My little wedesday club keeps my chin up and my head out the sand. There's only 4 of us... sometimes 3 but its all i need right now. Two of them are the most amazing lads ive ever met in my entire existance. I can completely be myself around them and they dont care how tired i look or how silly a mood im in. They dont mind if i cant be bothered to put make up on or do my hair, or dress up. They dont mind if i want to venture out or if i just want to stay in and cuddle up on the sofa and be sad. I dont think ive ever met people like them, this is the first time I've associated myself so deeply with a male without them feeling the need to try and get intimate.
You have no idea how that feels for me, its like reaching for that appropritely placed glass of cold water in the midst of the night, and that satisfying feeling you get when you realise its there ready to drink. You take a big gulp, its not too warm.. and its not too cold. It just feels so refreshing to get what you want.... when ususally the glass isnt there for me.
Ash, Andy and Kat.. the best thing to come out of 2009.

Of course i lost some friends in 2009, some really good friends, the sort of friends that when your sitting there with blood on your hands and makeup down your face they turn to you and say "Everythings going to be okay, nothings going to harm you, not while im around". . I dont know how i let things get so bad, i miss them alot but if its going to be easier for them and myself to get on with life without each others friendship then so be it. Who am i to stand in the way of anyones happiness. And if their happy without me then i bid them the best of luck in life.

So come on 2010, ive waited a whole year now to be happy, lets see what you've gt for me.

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