Well now i just feel fucking stupid.

If I Can Only Be With You In My Dreams, Then Let Me Sleep Forever.

I know, i know i promised to never talk to them every again, but please read this before you judge and i'll try to justify myself!

They popped up on msn again for the second time this week, asking that stupid pathetic question which has boiled my blood both times.
What sort of fucking question is that seriously?? And secondly how fucking old are you!

Its been the first time in 4 months the person in question has even looked my way, and every day ive missed them. I always wonder what theyre up too and if they ever think of me like i regrettedly think of them.
I dont want to think of them, i just do.

But until now our sides had been silent.
I didnt want to answer, and i knew i shouldnt, in fact i had no the slightest idea what to do. Its been so long since we spoke that words escaped me and my hands, shaking, hovered over the keys for a good 20 minutes before i even found the confidence in me to type.
You see the thing is, i dont want to hide away, it certainly isnt my place too, but im not the same person as i was 4 months ago and neither are they, and ive worked damn hard in those 4 months to achieve what i have now!
I certainly dont want to regress and go back on all my hard work.

There's so much more i wanted to say to them, i could have unleashed a whole can of worms on the situation and i could have wrote for hours, saying the things i could never say back then.
But i didnt....

I felt that short and sweet was probably the best option but the problem was i was finding it difficult not to regress. Wounds leave scars and deep wounds are always tender for a long time.

The person in question kept it short and blunt, like they always were, they stated it was just concern, but they had nothing to be concerned about. So now i guess we'll go back to just not talking, seperated by that horrible and cold no-mans-land we call ignorance.

So congratulations, you've now got me thinking, i want to say so much but i'll keep my mouth closed and just talk about you in my blog.

IMISSYOUANDILOVEYOUBUTIHATEYOUBECAUSEICANTSTOPLOVINGYOU

Dick.