H is for Hindsight

I need you so much right now.
This never would have happened if you were here, You said you'd always be here to help me whenever i needed you. You said you wouldnt ever let anyone hurt me.

Well your wrong.

If you were here you'd sit me down, make me the worlds worst cup of tea and give me one of those hugs that says "its okay, your safe, the world cant get you now".
I cant even call you up and tell you i need you, you just left so suddenly and i know your not coming back.

If you were still here i wouldnt have made such bad choices, i wouldnt have become a something i said id never be,
Im not a bad a person, i just made a wrong decision, and you'd tell me that.
But who do i have now to reassure me it CAN be changed.
You always told me to never let people get to me, because at the end of the day....................
You see... thats the point, its been so long since ive spoken to you ive forgotten. Your words that resounded so loudly in my head have escaped so quickly, as though they were a caged bird desperately trying to take flight.

Now i dont know what to do, or what to say. All im sure of is that i need you and i want you to come home to our little family.

But now, as soon as ive finished finding my dispare in the bottom of a ben and jerrys tub, i'll pick up my coat, put on your scarf (which even after all this time still smells of you) and walk to the places through the night, where we used to walk together. And i'll sit there for a while, just remembering how much i miss you.

Goodnight and sweetdreams