You are the proud owner of yet another broken heart!
Courtesy of: Ones self.
Im so utterly disappointed in myself i really am. My level of stupidity is far superior to any other stupid enounter i may have been unlucky enough to have faced!
And there was me thinking i could be saved, that this could be saved, that maybe for once following my heart would get me somewhere!
The thing is, im so fucking utterly disappointed in the both of you. I mean i knew one of you could be like this but the other? And after id put so much effort into seeing you when you wanted me to?! It wouldnt suprise me now if both of you were laughing at my expense, grinning to yourselfs whilst staring into the bottom of your almost empty pint glass. Because no doubt i mean as much to you now as the last warm disgusting dreg of beer in the bottom of your glass.
Lets break this down a little, without naming names...
Firstly, i put my feelings on the line this week decided to tempt the familiar with the possibility of my presence. Id had this planned out for a long time, step 1 - renovate, step 2 - revisit, step 3 - convert. Each step carefully considered, i have alot of time since i dont sleep much at night anymore.
I dont know what part of me or my body thought it was going to be easy, but i clearly wasnt prepared for what happened.
So you, the familiar, drew me in, lied through your fucking teeth, made me believe all your utter bullshit and used me. Well done you really pulled a number on me this time.
HOW DARE YOU ABUSE MY FEELINGS AND MY TRUST AND JUST CALL IT BUSINESS.
Because I KNOW exactly what goes on when your free to roam and hunt. I KNOW who you use and how you get your kicks. I KNOW exactly what youve become and how quickly youve become a selfish cunt.
Are you even slightly aware what you put me through that night? Did you feel even at least half the hurt i felt when i saw you do business with each and everyone one of them in front of my face? Can you even imagine how disheartened i was everytime you looked straight through me? Each and everytime you forgot our friendship was there and turned around to see who you could do business with next? Have you ANY idea how many feelings i put on the line to even just talk to you?
No... thought not. But then again, there's not much you do know is there. You stopped taking interest as soon as i started being a safe bet.
So thats right, thats exactly what im here for, to be everyones domino. Set me up just to knock me down. After all the SHIT ive been through and all the times ive climbed back up you are there just to fucking knock me down again. And its not even romotely tollerable and the other dominoes are fucking heavy. But they dont know they're domines yet.... do they??
But again, i guess it was my own stupid fault for believing anything else existed inside your chest other than a swinging brick. Your heart left you when you stopped believing in it.
And secondly, You mr unfamiliar, mr not like the rest, mr "never felt like this before" im so disappointed in you.
I think you should know, after everything that happened before you, you were the only thing keeping me smiling. You liked the fact i thought about you didnt you. And i was here, waiting like a prized turkey for you to sort yourself out and figure out whether you could ever let a girl in.
I listened to you, i hung on your every word. I thought maybe, just maybe, you'd be the answer to my prayers and take me away from the bog standard continuous life i had. Not taken away, just something to shake it up abit. I was fed up of feeling like my heart was going to waste and you gave it something to occupy itself with.
Whats amusing is, you said you'd never be like my ex. But you never even had the heart to tell me you weren't coming back did you? So i sat waiting for a text thinking "maybe he'll text me tonight". But no text ever came through from you. And again, i got more and more disheartened.
You see alots happened in this past week. And i really need you. I know your arms now and i need them just so i can think for a while. You never really were overly loving but i liked that.
But i know now, you've probably found someone better like i said you would. I just wish you would have told me you didnt want to carry this thing on we had..... and not just go silent.
So, Hello, Here i am again. Laura, 22, lonely and unhappy. Its all back to Square one, right now id even settle for square 2 or 3. Square ones a cold place to be, especially when your loosing all your friends and have no one to turn too.
I wish i could tell my mum without her saying its all your fault.
I could really use a friend right now....